Conscious Ravings Of The Mind

Saturday, July 08, 2006

The Highwayman - Alfred Noyes

PART ONE

I

THE wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
And the highwayman came riding—
Riding—riding—
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

II

He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin;
They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh!
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

III

Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
And he tapped with his whip on the shuters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

IV

And dark in the dark old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked;
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,
But he loved the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's red-lipped daughter,
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say—

V

"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,
Then look for me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."

VI

He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
(Oh, sweet, black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonliglt, and galloped away to the West.



PART TWO

I

He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon;
And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon,
When the road was a gypsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor,
A red-coat troop came marching—
Marching—marching—
King George's men came matching, up to the old inn-door.

II

They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead,
But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed;
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!
There was death at every window;
And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through her casement, the road that he would ride.

III

They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest;
They had bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast!
"Now, keep good watch!" and they kissed her.
She heard the dead man say—
Look for me by moonlight;
Watch for me by moonlight;
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

IV

She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till her fingers were wet with sweat or blood!
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years,
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

V

The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest!
Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast,
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain .

VI

Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs ringing clear;
Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding,
Riding, riding!
The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up, straight and still!

VII

Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him—with her death.

VIII

He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood
Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood!
Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear
How Bess, the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

IX

Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat.

* * * * * *

X

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding—
Riding—riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

XI

Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard;
He taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred;
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

Tonite I can write the saddest lines - Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
And the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.This is all.

In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

En fin - musically, emotionally

You don't mean anything thing to me,
You don't... You don't...
You don't mean anything to me...

Some singer crooning away in mind... I smile. I know... The lyrics echo my thoughts. What else can I say? You were never there, when I needed you...

And like bits of a song by The Calling, "When you're gone and I need love"... Only you came along when you needed me. A hiatus of months and then an outburst of emotions...

I thought and thought... And wondered and wondered... All boiling down to Engelbert's The Last Waltz, "I wondered should I go or should I stay..." Only this time the band didn't have one more song to play.

The line sings true "And then the flame of love died in your eye, my heart was broke in two when you said goodbye." Or rather you didn't, just left me there - like a bloody spare tyre.

Only now, I sing in my head, "It's all over now, nothing left to say, just my tears and the orchestra playing. "

- Women may fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships...

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Thirty nine minutes past eleven


Thirty nine minutes past eleven....
I sit and wait, reflecting on those thoughts which eat me inside.
How much time has passed since school, where are my friends, what happened to them?

Oh how I recall, the fateful day of 12th Feb, Sunday which Sonam called me and I casually asked about Bhartesh... Then she said, mocking me, "You don't know, he's dead?" Something died inside me that day, and I just broke down. Couldn't let Sonam hear me crying.

He couldn't be dead. He wasn't even seventeen. We studied chemistry together. Had the most amazing times. Sneaked into the guy's section of the dispensary to meet him at 7 am...

He commited suicide, she said. Nobody knows why. Nobody knew when. Sometime in July...

Maybe he took the coward's way out but then again - who are we to judge people?

Nine days before my 12th std. board exams, I'm mourning the death of a friend - long gone...
Nine days before my 12th std. exams, I'm wondering whether it would have been different...
Nine days before my 12th std. exams, I'm pondering the what if's and why's... And searching for a reason...

And nine days later, I'm writing one of the most relevant exams of my life, as though I'm dead, fearless, emotionless...

As though the exams never mattered...
As though the exams never mattered...
As though the exams never mattered...

[Let the dead, rest in peace... Goodbye my friend. Maybe this brings peace to my troubled soul... ]

[He's the one with the cap. I'm at the back, last row.]

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Untitled Verses

Judge me not when I tell you the truth
Condemn me not when I say I feel nothing
Sentence me not to an exile without you
Let me phoenix-like be reborn
Ashes to ashes I lay among them.

-*-*-

Nor can I depend on you
Nor can I believe what you say
For I've been burnt.
Once burnt twice shy.
Burnt over and over
Like an ashtray covered with cinders...'

-*-*-

Friday, April 14, 2006

Life Sux

All right, this is a really stupid title... but I care a shit. Life sucks. Sometimes you feel so goddamn alone and you have no one to turn to except this Journal. Somewhere you can just dump your baggage for a while... Temporarily... While you return to collect it with more baggage - excess baggage... Aww, heck whom am I kidding? I'm down and out today. Got the blues... Its a disease that strikes when you're not watching... Slowly creeps up on you and surprises you with that empty feeling that makes you hurt inside. And you end up listening to songs like "More than words" and "Accidentally in love" and NOT singing along. And you feel more alone with 20 people than by yourself. And you feel time's passing you by and everything's just a damned illusion and you're hoping for things that may never happen. Hope thats what this goddamned race lives for. Hope for a better life. Hope for another chance. Hope to find the perfect love. Hope. Hope - damn it. It's just another thing that makes you regret. The what-if and the now what? The confusion and the choices that make you wonder what it is that you really want. And then you have no answer. No answer to why there are lights outside but darkness in you. No answer to why the sound of silence prevails inside you when there is an endless cacophony outside.

No answers. At all.